Its been 15 to 20 years since Ive seen you both, and I miss you so often! I know I will see you again in the resurrection, and that will indeed be a joyful occasion, but there are so many questions which keep popping up in my mind, and only you two know the answers.
Up until quite recently I assumed I had honoured you as instructed in the Bible. Although we didnt live nearby, I phoned you, Mum, quite often. I remembered your birthday, Mothers Day, even your wedding anniversary, and on one occasion when you were ill, I spent the weekend caring for you. And you, Dad, when you were widowed and lonely, I was able to visit you regularly, pop in to see that you were OK, and invite you to lunch on occasion. I had the satisfied feeling that I had done my bit to make your twilight years a little happier.
Its only now that I am getting old myself that I see the huge gaps in my understanding.
You probably remember that board game called Trivial Pursuit, where all the general knowledge questions were printed on tiny pieces of paper, and you scored points for the team by getting the answers correct. I kept thinking, Mum, you know the answer! Why dont you just say it and get done? We are wasting valuable time! And Dad, when you repeated a story for the third or fourth time, I was tempted to say, Yes Dad…you told me before.
I remember being amused Mum, when we went shopping together in some of the large department stores which were then in the city centre. When we walked out of the store together, you always seemed to want to turn in the wrong direction. Nowadays when I exit a shop in the mall, I think carefully first about which way to go. When I park my car, I take my bearings, and repeat the letter and number of the parking row a few times so I will remember where to find it. I love quiz shows, but annoyingly, I sometimes just cannot think of the answers, although I know them.
When you tried to open a parcel, or turn pages quickly, I sometimes felt irritated at the number of false starts you made. I couldnt understand how the message from the brain didnt get to the fingers as quickly as it used to. And as for hearing the dialogue on TV programs, I got a little tired of you saying that the background music was too loud. Now I struggle to hear the conversations and find myself wishing they would turn down that unnecessary background noise!
I could have been a lot more understanding and a lot less judgmental when you complained of your tiredness, aches and pains and your inability to find clothes to fit in the shops. I could have spent more time with you and asked questions about past events instead of just popping in to see if you were OK and soothing my conscience. I could have shared a lot more of my own feelings with you asked your opinion about some of my choices, and asked your advice when I made decisions. Above all, I could have taken a greater interest in the extended family, and asked Dad more about his childhood.
Yes, there is so much more I would do if I had the time over again. I certainly would not do it all the same.
I know you were sceptical of my Christian beliefs, but you graciously put aside our differences when I visited you. You really showed love and concern towards me, and now I long to say a huge thank you for all that patience and tolerance.
And the wonderful thing is, its not too late! I will be seeing you again in such very different circumstances. Well be able to talk about everything and anything, and we wont have memory problems, hearing problems, health problems or relationship problems. We will be together in a restored world a society that Jesus has promised to bring about.
I know this may all seem very strange to you, but its a promise of God, and as certain as the sunrise tomorrow morning. When I see you again, there will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain. The old order of things will have passed away, and the good old days will not be even a little grey patch on the future. Its really true youll see.
Love, Hilary