My wife, Debbie, and I were strolling along a Cape West Coast beachfront recently when she noticed a little red book lying on the grass verge.
The gold embossed word, passport, leaped out of the front cover as Debbie picked it up. We soon realised as we leafed through the pages that the passport belonged to an international tourist from Italy. We anxiously searched the area for an Italian looking person, but to no avail.
We were concerned about the anxiety and distress the tourist was likely to be going through, at the loss of such a valuable document. Perhaps he was already on route to another town, oblivious to the fact that he no longer had a passport in his possession or needed to catch a flight later in the day? Looking around trying to find him was like searching for a needle in a haystack. There was no one in sight. Where are you? We were overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness.
We then decided to order a light breakfast at a restaurant across the road in the hope of seeing a distraught looking person combing the beachfront. I asked the restaurant manager and waiter whether anyone had reported the loss to them and was surprised at their rather indifferent attitude. Take it to the police station, they said.
Then, about twenty minutes later, we saw two people frantically scouring the area. It must be one of them! Debbie exclaimed excitedly. I immediately ran across the road, caught up with them and was thrilled to see their faces suddenly light up when they saw the passport in my hand. What an emotional transformation, from distress to relief, joy and laughter! I can almost say that I was the recipient of one of the most bone crushing hugs ever.
Debbie and I marvelled at the fascinating collection of emotions coming from a number of people around one event in such a short period of time; from anxiety, worry and distress as well as the apathy on the part of some at the restaurant, to sheer joy, excitement and laughter.
A time for everything
Think about the incredible array of different emotions that express themselves through the events and circumstances we experience each and every day; joy, peace, happiness and excitement or perhaps sorrow, anxiety, fear and anger. And lets not forget our vulnerability to the darker moods of envy, jealousy, hate or bitterness.
Emotions are intricately woven into the very fabric of who we are as human beings and play a critical role in influencing our thoughts, motives, behaviours and actions. Solomon reflects on the reality of our emotional persona in the book of Ecclesiastes. He explains in chapter 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. And he adds in verse 4: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.
We also find vast clusters of deeply powerful emotions, uttered by David and others in the Psalms; beautiful poetry in motion as the psalmists articulated their feelings of joy, passion, love and thankfulness, or cries of despair, hopelessness, exasperation and anger, mostly directed towards God. They boldly and honestly communicated their heartfelt thoughts to God through these inspired lyrics. John Calvin called the Psalms an anatomy of all parts of the soul. The well-renowned Professor, Theologian and Author, Walter Brueggeman, divides the Psalms into three categories:
- Psalms of orientation: Life makes sense.
- Psalms of disorientation: Life doesnt make any sense.
- Psalms of reorientation: Life is starting to make sense once again.
I am sure we have all experienced the agony and ecstasy of the above.
The Lord has endowed each one of us with a uniquely wonderful set of emotional attributes that speaks to the very heart and soul of our humanity. Imagine how dull, boring and clinical life would be without emotions. Yet, unbridled feelings can be dangerous when taken to extremes, turning anger into rage, happiness into unrealistic euphoria or allowing jealousy, bitterness and resentment to take root in our hearts. These will, more often than not, lead to decisions and actions resulting in devastating consequences, hurting ourselves and others.
It is important that we express our emotions with sensitivity, respect and perspective. I am by no means suggesting that we strap ourselves in an emotional strait-jacket. Let the power of love flow, feel free to make a joyful noise when good news comes your way and allow the tears to flow when bad things happen to you. However, beware of how the destructive force of negative emotions can wreak havoc in your life, robbing you of all happiness.
Daniel Goleman, Ph.D. psychologist and author of the bestselling book entitled Emotional Intelligence, reveals that success is a reward for having learned high levels of emotional and social skills. Research in the field of emotional intelligence (EQ) has established that the capacity to grow in emotional maturity comprises 80% of the factors contributing to success, and IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is in fact a poor second cousin.
Emotional Intelligence may be described as the capacity to recognize, understand and respond appropriately to the emotional reactions, thoughts and feelings of yourself and others. As the authors of Executive EQ, Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf emphasise, It is about becoming a deeply feeling authentic human being, no matter what life brings, no matter what challenges and opportunities we face.
Biblical insight
The Apostle Paul brings an insightful life-changing perspective relating to the dynamics of our emotional being. He vividly touches on the negative traits of our sinful nature or the fruits of the flesh in Galatians 5:20-21 including, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions and envy.
It is interesting to note that sorrow, sadness, grief and even fear are not mentioned in the context of these passages of scripture. These are the normal feelings we all go through in the ebb and flow of life. However, the treacherous attitudes of our sinful nature, spelled out by the Apostle Paul, can grow like weeds and if allowed to continue unabated, will develop into deep seated patterns of thinking and behaviour. They will not only taint our individual persona, but negatively influence our relationship with others, including our loved ones.
Sadly, we may be unwittingly passing these traits on to our children and our children to their children until they become deeply entrenched from one generation to the next. Paul encourages us to break the cycle and let go of the emotional baggage that we can so easily allow into our lives, whether it be as individuals, within families and communities or between nations.
Breaking the cycle
Paul highlights the key to breaking this perilous cycle of emotional negativity earlier in Galatians 5. Notice verses 13 and 16; Do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another humbly in love… So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
In essence, living fully by the Spirit speaks to our ongoing abiding relationship with our loving Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Jesus explains in the book of John; I am the vine, you are the branches. If a person remains (abides) in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit. This is to my Fathers glory, that you bear much fruit. (John 15:1-8)
What kind of fruit does God want us to bear and how does this relate to the emotionally based issues addressed by Paul in Galatians? After discussing our sinful nature or the fruits of the flesh in some translations, Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit. We read in Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
An abiding authentic relationship with Jesus (the vine) provides the opportunity for us to become emotionally well grounded in the fruit of the Spirit. Our EQ (emotional quotient) will naturally improve and mature as the fruit of the Spirit takes root in our lives. Negative emotions, and the sometimes devious motives that accompany them, are soon dispelled when we rest on the bedrock of Gods love. This creates an authentic platform for emotional wellness and vitality as we mature spiritually in Christ.
SOME PRACTIAL POINTERS FOR DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL SITUATIONS
Pause for a moment and breathe deeply.
Allow a sense of calmness to enter your mind with every breath you take.
Self Awareness
Stand back and take a helicopter view of the emotions you are struggling with… your feelings and the why of your feelings, your hurts and the why of your hurts, your prejudices and the why of your prejudices, your motives and the why of your motives. Is there perhaps a twinge of envy or something else lurking in the background? John Mayer, a psychologist from the University of New Hampshire, explains self-awareness as being aware of both our mood and our thoughts about that mood. Being honest with yourself by gaining insight into your own feelings through self-awareness will bring a healthier perspective to the situation.
Be consciously aware of Gods loving presence
The fullness of Gods presence is sometimes hard for us to experience in the everyday hustle and bustle of life. I was privileged to grasp the power of presence while on a game drive in a Northern KwaZulu Natal wilderness reserve.
We were driving along a dusty road when the game ranger suddenly stopped the vehicle, turned around and asked us to sit very still and be very, very quiet. A magnificent male lion carrying a huge majestic black mane, walked boldly towards our open jeep-type vehicle. The well known cliché silence is deafening suddenly had great meaning. The lion came alongside the vehicle and stopped, right next to where I happened to be sitting. I froze as he turned his head and stared at me with those piercing yellow eyes. His presence was palpable… fear, trepidation, power, majesty and wonder pervaded the air. He then looked ahead and walked on in regal silence. Needless to say, we all breathed a sigh of relief.
Imagine being surrounded by the commanding sovereignty and eternal splendour of your Creator, the one who holds the entire universe together, fully aware of the presence of the Triune God… your Father, your beloved friend, Jesus, and your comforter, the Holy Spirit. Consider the reality of being immersed in the power of His love… an awe-inspiring presence that cannot even begin to compare to my little encounter with one of His mortal creations, a male lion.
Making the effort to quieten your mind and consciously rest in his presence will help to bring about the wisdom and emotional maturity to deal with an emotional crisis. Remain anchored in the Lord and pray that he will give you the strength to manifest his grace and mercy in the situation.
Focus on the issue at hand
We so often find ourselves in the downward spiral of accusation and counter-accusation, pouncing on the person rather than focussing on the issue at hand or what has happened that has given rise to an emotionally tenuous situation. In general terms it is helpful to avoid using the word you when addressing issues of an emotive nature.
Release your emotions in a healthy way.
Emotions should never be bottled up. Express your frustrations and feelings to God in prayer as the psalmists did. Talk to someone you trust. Hearing an opinion other than your own will heighten your awareness. You may find it helpful to transfer your feelings onto paper. Writing things down helps to crystallise your thoughts and find a way forward. Some find it beneficial to engage in exercise, go for a walk or find a quiet place where they can reflect and meditate.
Take a long term view of the bigger picture
There is wisdom in seeing beyond the present and focusing on our future destiny in Christ.
Replace negative thoughts with healthy emotions
Negative emotions bind us to recurring negative thoughts and create a cycle of negative patterns. Whenever you are confronted with an emotion which causes you to feel or think something bad, let it go; call upon the Lord to fill you with his grace and the positive fruits of the Holy Spirit.
A forgiving attitude
Reach out to others in a spirit of grace, unconditional love and forgiveness as God has showered you with his unconditional love, grace and forgiveness.
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