We dont like our new boss! He is hard, autocratic and controlling.
His leadership style has come as a huge disappointment, considering the positive working environment we enjoyed under the previous administrator. Please do something?
This was the complaint I received, many years ago, from the employees of one of our corporate branches during my tenure as the Human Resource Manager of a manufacturing and marketing enterprise. And so I decided to get on the plane and visit the branch in the hope of reconciling the impasse between the newly appointed manager and his staff.
A totally different picture began to emerge as I engaged with both management and employees. In reality, while the branch managers approach was uniquely different from his predecessor, he was nowhere near the rather hideous persona described by some of his employees. He in fact expressed a deep concern for their growth and development, but was frustrated at the negative reactions towards him so soon after his appointment.
On the other hand, I could also understand the grievances of the staff who were trying to adjust to a very down the line new kid on the block. He had introduced rather unpopular yet more efficient and effective systems and performance standards very quickly, perhaps prematurely. And, while the previous administrator was more relaxed and easy going, productivity did suffer due to the entrenchment of old methodologies.
Needless to say the situation settled down within months. Appreciation and respect for the new manager grew steadily and it was heartening to observe the noticeable improvement in morale and performance output.
Both sides were right
This particular episode taught me a powerful lesson about people in relationship with one another. The irony of this potentially explosive scenario is that both parties were right and both parties needed to deal with some real issues at hand. Reaching out to one another in the spirit of reconciliation is what made all the difference.
The tendency to form opinions about individuals, families and groups based on hearing one side of the story or being taken in by the persuasive views of a third party can more often than not lead to an agonising breakdown in relationships.
Proverbs 18:17 tells us, The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him. The Message Bible says, The first speech in a court case is always interesting until the cross examination starts.
Noted theologian Charles Bridges (1794-1869) wrote about this verse in his commentary on an Exposition of Proverbs: Here we are warned against justifying ourselves… being very blind to our real imperfections. So ready are we to place our own cause in a strong light; and sometimes, almost unconsciously, to cast a shade over, or even omit, what might seem to balance on the opposite side. It is so difficult to state facts and circumstances with perfect accuracy, where our own name or credit is concerned. Hence, our cause, coming first, seemeth just. But, according to the proverb, The first tale is good, till the second is heard.
Irreparable harm
The inclination to draw conclusions based on hearing one very convincing side of the story can be irresistible, especially when it comes from a friend or someone who has the same ideology as you. One-sided feedback of this nature has the potential of casting a dark shadow on relationships. For instance, you may open up to a close friend about this little dictator of a new boss who is causing so much distress in your life. The tendency for you to spin your own cause in a strong light can be overwhelming. Your friend then forms a distorted opinion about your superior and will naturally want to empathise with what you are going through. And there is the danger that he may carry this misrepresentation of the truth to others.
The potential of a distorted version of the truth spreading like wildfire is very real and can do irreparable harm to the reputation and character of the person or people in question. We are living in an age where all kinds of stories leak through the grapevine or worse still, find their way on the internet and social media networks. Unfortunately, once it gets out in the public domain it is there for all to see and virtually impossible to remove.
The English Puritans of the 16th and 17th centuries aptly described Proverbs 18:17 as the The Judgment of Charity, highlighting the value of creating an atmosphere of grace in relationships.
Taking the initiative to communicate in a spirit of humility with a genuine desire to understand the perspectives of everyone involved in a conflict situation is therefore vital to restoring relationships. Yes! It takes courage! Yet the benefits of mutual respect, edification and restorative healing cannot be overestimated. Seasoned mediators and counsellors will generally do everything possible to bring all the opposing parties together and in so doing create the opportunity for every individual to fully express his or her concerns in each others presence.
James 1:19 gives sound advice: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. The Message Bible puts this passage of scripture in a thought provoking light… Post this at all the intersections dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.
In his article entitled the Cushion of Grace Pastor William Harrell of the Immanuel Presbyterian Church encourages us to recognise and respect the cushion of grace that our Saviour has applied to all relationships. This sin factor clouds our judgment and taints our motives so that we are incapable of perceiving the whole truth in our interpersonal relationships. We are not, therefore, told to communicate with each other only in truth, but in the truth saturated in love. (Ephesians 4:15…speaking the truth in love)
It is therefore important for us to be circumspect when we hear and even read bad things about other people. Lets be very aware of our responsibility to listen to the other side of the story before jumping to conclusions. Get the facts and take time out to meet with and talk to the affected people where possible.
Reaching out to others in the power of love and earnestly listening to understand their side of the story is all about amazing grace.