It s taken me years to accept that there is room for doubt in my life and it can turn out to be a good thing.
At one time I felt I had all the answers, tied up in a neat little package. Not just answers to the big questions of life and death, but solid answers to all the in between questions as well. This gave me a feeling of security and control over my existence, but it left no space for dealing satisfactorily with doubt, mystery, time and chance, miscalculations or the unexpected sharp curves life tends to throw at us.
I didnt see the need to question the answers provided dogmatically and authoritatively by others in whom I had put all my trust. This is not uncommon as many people automatically accept the belief system of their childhood. And then one day I began to ask questions, and discovered my cherished answers were seriously lacking. The bottom of my neat, organized, knowledge package came apart in the asking and everything fell out. I was left to pick up the pieces, some broken beyond repair, and realized they would never fit together perfectly again. It was like starting all over and I felt very vulnerable, yet the process was so necessary.
Heres the thing. We cant presume to spell out what God himself has not spelled out. To quote author Philip Yancey, speaking of his own personal experience, which closely resembled mine: The church environment I grew up in had no room for doubt…. Anyone who strayed from the defined truth risked punishment as a deviant. It shouldnt come as a surpriseno matter how many rules we follow or who we are, life with all its highs, joys and triumphs, and its lows with loss and pain, happens to all of us.
An element of uncertainty
Yanceys book, Reaching for the Invisible God, has a basic premise: Gods invisibility guarantees we will experience times of doubt. A relationship between an invisible God and visible humans will always involve an element of uncertainty. To pretend doubting never happens or is an indication something is wrong with us isnt necessary. Unavoidable, seemingly unanswerable questions will arise from time to time, especially in seasons of sore trial. Some answers will be opaque. So do be prepared for mystery.
A finite mind will never be capable of completely grasping the infinite. We often see through a glass darkly. Life is not destined to always be easy or predictable. Quoting Yancey again, The only thing more difficult than having a relationship with an invisible God is having no such relationship. And strangely enough, the closer our relationship, the more questions we may have about his involvement in our lives.
Though some things may remain clouded, that which is absolutely crucial for us to be able to establish a deep and lasting relationship with God, can be clearly seen and under-stood.
[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that he says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to him, it must follow that you are trying to obey him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because he has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you. C.S. Lewis]
During times of uncertainty, we have only to open our eyes wider to see the invisible God in the marvels and intricacies of his creation, nature and the cosmos. Goodness, which comes only from God, is all around us if we would only look for it. Miraculous interventions of all shapes and sizes surround us. And knowing in advance how perplexing his invisibility would be for us, the Son of God came to earth in visible flesh to live with us – to show us who God is and what he is like. Maybe its just me, but it has been stimulating and liberating to ask questions, ponder and meditate on lifes penetrating issues such as death, eternity, suffering, the existence of God. I am no longer reluctant to doubt and question and I am not afraid of the obscure. Even though I dont have all the answers as I once thought, I do have a more profound certainty than ever before.
You would think it would be the opposite. Having all the answers is not a requirement nor is it meant to be. I have found seeking to personally connect and bond with the Creator of life and the universe is what counts.
Of that, I have no doubt.
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